To mark Mental Health Awareness Week – which takes place from 15th to 21st May 2023 – I want to discuss whether disabled people can be truly mentally strong.
This follows me finding a viral article titled “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” and it made me think can disabled people really follow these steps in the same way despite their dependency on others and having to face practical and social barriers.
Here, I go through each point and discuss whether disabled people can be truly mentally strong by not doing these things.
1. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves
I would say this is true that disabled people don’t feel sorry for themselves. We may admit having a disability can suck sometimes and think about what if we could cure our impairment (I certainly do), but there is no time to dwell on the “what ifs” and feel sorry for ourselves.
Instead, we focus on what we can do, appreciate what and whom we have around us and concentrate on things we can access.
If anything, it is the non-disabled community that appears more sorry for us and can sometimes bring our mood down. Hearing comments like “I feel so sorry for you”, “You’re amazing a coping so well” or “If I was disabled like you, I’d kill myself” can make disabled people feel like their being pitied or patronised and shouldn’t be confident, positive and optimistic in life.
2. They don’t give away their power
Supposedly, mentally strong people don’t allow others to control them but when you’re disabled this can be more challenging, especially when you require support services such as care and benefits.
At times, local authorities and healthcare professionals take control of the type, level and amount of care support and benefits you should be entitled to. Therefore, disabled people are limited in what they can do, where they can go and how much they spend.
Also, in the care sector, disabled people get controlled by strict set routines, health and safety guidelines and continuous dependency on others. Therefore, disabled people can’t always stop others from controlling them as they are limited to choice, freedoms and flexibility such as spontaneous trips, late nights out and quality carers.
3. They don’t shy away from change
This can vary depending on people’s impairment and circumstances. For instance, those who are on the autism spectrum find change more difficult than neurotypical people and need more time to prepare and adjust.
Whereas other disabled people have to face continuous change with different carers, nurses, equipment, medication and/or changes to their impairment. As a result, they aren’t shy to change and most of the time, expect it frequently.
4. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control
Like point two, this can be more challenging for disabled people, especially if they are heavily dependent on others. However, everything doesn’t have to be focused on support, assessments and other authoritative activities.
Good mental wellbeing is not focusing on what you can’t control but on what you can. For instance deciding what film to watch, what to eat at dinner, and in my case, what to blog about this week.
5. They don’t worry about pleasing everyone
This is by far the hardest for many disabled people, definitely for me. When you’re relying on family and carers for support, you’re constantly making sure the person helping you is happy with everything, compromise plans to fit their needs and check they are ok to support me in a specific activity (eg attending a concert).
If I was non-disabled and fully independent, I’d gladly not worry about pleasing everyone but like a lot of the people in my life I need them to support me, if I fail to please them, force them to do something or do something to upset or offend them, I’m likely to lose that support.
6. They don’t fear taking calculated risks
Again, as an individual, I love taking risks, but as an individual with a disability, those risks are less frequent due to the dependency on others and the practical and social barriers we face.
7. They don’t dwell on the past
I think everyone can manage this whether you’re disabled or not. We can’t go back in time and change our past – unless we have a time machine.
8. They don’t make the same mistakes over and over
I think mistakes can be repeated but how you deal with them is the important thing – no matter your impairment.
9. They don’t resent other people’s success
I admit I get a tiny bit jealous of people’s success, particularly those with a similar impairment to me but they’ve achieved more than me. I’m not proud of it and feel guilty saying it.
But overall, yes we should be proud of everyone’s success no matter how big or small.
10. They don’t give up after the first failure
If anything, disabled people work and fight twice as hard as non-disabled people and always try to find adaptable and alternative ways to achieve something.
11. They don’t fear alone time
This can differ on the person and their needs. Personally, I enjoy my alone time when it comes to working or running personal errands but having a disability can bring extra feelings of loneliness when you’re housebound or bedbound and can’t visit people often due to care constraints or poor health.
12. They don’t feel the world owes them anything
As individual people, the world doesn’t owe us anything but as a collective disabled community, the world owes us full accessibility, full inclusion and acceptance by all in society.
13. They don’t expect immediate results
Disabled people have never expected immediate results and never will. The disabled community is the most resilient, patient and determined minority group that takes each day as it comes but won’t stop fighting.
So, as you can see, from my thoughts and experiences of living with a disability, I believe disabled people can’t truly be mentally strong. We can do in many areas but other parts are out of our control.
Do you have different views on this discussion? Share your thoughts in the comments box or on social media.
